Understanding YOUR adoption shapes your child’s understanding of THEIR adoption, part 4

A New Family.

In this series we have looked at how understanding YOUR adoption will impact your child’s understanding of THEIR adoption.

First, if you don’t understand who you were before Christ, then you are going to be full of doubt and questions and probably worry about your child’s DNA makeup or biological background. Once we understand that Satan was our first father, then it makes it much easier to put our thoughts to ease as we consider our adopted children’s biological past.

Second, if you don’t understand how your adoption by God has made ALL things new in your life then it is going to be hard for you to relate to your child as completely, 100%, entirely YOUR OWN child. Once we understand that who we are because of our adoption is entirely different then who we were before our adoption, we can then in turn let go of our fears and anxieties about our children’s future.  We can trust that since they are a part of a NEW family they too are a NEW individual.  This will eliminate the awful speech spoken by too many Christians that they don’t know if they could love a child that isn’t “their own” and it gives us a beautiful platform to help our children see their past through a gospel lens. 

Finally, we need to understand that because of our adoption we have a new family. When you understand who your new family is, you are then able to relate to your church family in a way that beautifully models to your children that they are a part of a new family too.

It is inconsistent to ask your adopted child to view your family as their family if you do not first view your church as your family.  When we adopt, we are making a public declaration that blood and DNA are meaningless when it comes to fatherhood and sonship. We are saying that our love is much deeper than “blood ties”. How can we tell our children this, yet not look at God’s church the same way?

Too often we put our biological extended family in the place that our church family belongs. Our church family SHOULD be our primary extended family. Our life should be full of family with no biological relationship to us.  The best of our time, money, energy should go toward loving and caring for our brothers and sisters in our local church. 

If we consistently make choices that show we do not view the church as our primary family, then we are missing what God did in our adoption.  He gave us a new family. A family from many different backgrounds, ethnicities, ages, and cultures that can now relate to each other as brothers and sisters because of the amazing love our Father had for us.

This new family is BEST equipped to love adopted children, because they have received the same love from God. If you are in a healthy, Christ-centered, bible based church, then fill your time with loving and serving your church.  Let your children grow up with aunts, uncles, grandmothers, and grandfathers with no biological connection to you. 

If your church family does not understand adoption, then take the time to lovingly teach, correct, and admonish them. They are called to care for the orphans too! Maybe loving, supporting, and caring for your family will be part of how they obey this command. Do not isolate your family from your church because you feel “different” or because they don’t “get it” even though they should! Be patient. Perhaps God wants to use your family to teach this church the beauty of their adoption.

Your adopted siblings…i.e. church fam…might not teach your children to love the same sports team, foods, and music that your bio family culturally enjoys, but they WILL teach your children to love the same God. Making Roosevelt Community Church our first extended family has been the single, most powerful way to relate to Marcel and Mya about adoption.  Vermon regularly speaks to our children of the “fathers” God has provided within the church and our children are deeply loved and cared for by aunts who have no blood relation to us.

Adoption is not something that just happened to our children.  They are not left alone to figure out this mystery.  They are surrounded by a community of believers who were also adopted and can therefore relate to my children in endless ways.  Adoption is woven into every aspect of our lives.  Our church family has been such a deep part of our children’s healing. It has been so sweet to live out the reality of our adoption together.