Unadoptable

We belong on the “unadoptable” list. We are delinquent prostitutes, murderers, and thieves who never should have had even a glimpse of God’s kingdom.

For the rest of my post, check out: Together for Adoption

Loving Children When They're Unlovable

I talked to a foster parent recently who was explaining how she doesn’t know how you can get through foster care without first tasting the love of Christ. There is so much truth to that statement! Of course, we can be thankful for evidences of God’s common grace in enabling people who are not Christians to still love children, but at the end of the day, the best place to go to see perfect love for unlovable people is the cross.

Sometimes when we parent, our children are not particularly “lovable.” What parent looks at their 2 year old throwing a tantrum on the supermarket floor and says, “Oh, how adorable! I just want to give this child some hugs and kisses?” I have worked with many teenagers who were not the most inviting people to talk with and love on. Their parents even begin to talk about feeling intimidated by them and finding themselves tempted to withdraw from their kids. Or what about difficult things that go along with attachment disorders, autism, substance exposure, and past traumatic memories?

In parenting, as in every other area of life, the best way to grow in our ability to face difficult situations with joy is by understanding two very important truths:

[Read the rest of the post: here]

When Life Is Hard: Adoption Matters!

A complaint I often hear when I counsel women is that their life is hard. Sometimes it is in
relation to foster care or adoption. Often it is their marriage or their children. Perhaps it is difficulty with their job, their boss, their mother-in-law. Or it could be physical illness, infertility, exhaustion, singleness, business, depression, grief, loss…and I am sure that you can add to the list with many more difficult things.

Life can devastate us. We live in a world full of sin and evil and the weight of our broken world can feel overwhelming. Too often we respond to trials as though we do not deserve them, are surprised by them, or are unable to overcome them. But adoption gives us a different perspective when life is hard.

Read the rest of the post @ Together For Adoption

There was a Girl...

What a powerful post about a family who chose to adopt a fifteen year old girl from Russia. You can read it here: There Was A Girl. Fifteen Years Old.

Together for Adoption Interview

Check out a recent interview I did with my husband about our adoption story.


House Conference II (Interview), Phoenix, Arizona from Together for Adoption on Vimeo.

Not Quite Enough Love...

Here is a summary of some disturbing comments by a foster/adoptive parent used in a state training we recently attended:

“We decided to adopt because our family had so much love within us and we thought a child with nothing would be so happy to share in that love. But we are so disappointed. Not only has she not appreciated or accepted our love, she is actually taking away some of the love and joy from our home.”

This is a great picture of how our culture views love. People are not always as honest as this individual was, but love is often seen as a tank that can be empty or full, depending on the circumstances. Too often love is treated as a commodity to be spent. If my loved ones treat me a certain way, then I feel loved. If I feel loved, then I am able to love in return. You scratch my back and I’ll scratch yours.

This is anti-gospel. Hollywood does a great job of packaging this type of love as a beautiful ideal of “happily ever after” but the word “love” should never be used to describe such a self-centered way of thinking.

God’s love is not something that comes and goes based on our actions or inactions. He does not have a pool of love that will run out if we are really rebellious, defiant, or unappreciative of his love. God doesn’t get to the year 2012 and say, “Sorry, my love pool dried up because those children born prior just took and took and took and gave nothing in return.”

God’s love is patient, kind, and generous. God’s love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. God’s love never ends. God doesn’t offer us an opportunity to partake in an infinitely loving relationship with him because he thinks we will be so thankful for the opportunity. Amazingly, God sent Christ to the cross after thousands of years of his people being unthankful. Christ faced the death penalty on our behalf knowing that we would never contribute to his “love tank.”

And so we are called to follow in His steps.

We never have to worry about running out of love because our hearts have been infused with the infinite love of our Heavenly Father. That is why we can love our enemies. Love those who mistreat us. Love those who don’t contribute positively to our life. Love others when we feel like we have nothing left to give. Love a newborn who does nothing but poop, cry, and eat. Love our invalid senile old parents. Love our children...even when they are slow, behind, rebellious, full of rage, hate, or sin…

Unfortunately, this foster family has not really experienced the love of Christ that radically redefines the word “love.” What they call love is actually a demonic twist which will produce nothing but resentment, anger, and frustration.

 “If Affection [love] is made the absolute sovereign of a human life the seeds will germinate. Love, having become a god, becomes a demon.” C.S. Lewis (The Four Loves)